Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize