yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I will pee on everything he values.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
