She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
