So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
