so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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