Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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