Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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