How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
i think im in europe. pls send help
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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