Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
