shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You were trust falling into bushes
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