I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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