You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
