i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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