dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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