I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
