Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
