went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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