I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You need Xanax blowdarts
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
