Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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