Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
