My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
