I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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