I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize