hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
