Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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