I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize