she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
