...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
