They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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