ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I've blown a few things in my day
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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