Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
