I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
