you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
