she was so not down for the gang bang
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize