Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Text me some of your sweat
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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