Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
