im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
