Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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