pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
