Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
