I feel great
I just peed on a car
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
