Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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