apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
