Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
