omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
