I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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