she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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