I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
