Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
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