I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
