She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
