can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
