My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
