I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
