Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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