Kareoke will never be a sober sport
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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