Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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