Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
sarcasm needs its own font
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
