The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize