How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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