found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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