Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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