Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
