He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
