i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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