i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
