some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
