One girl and one boy is just not enough.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
