..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You've changed since you got that strap on
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
