Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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