My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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